Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Bruno's on the outside looking in


Road trip to berlin?

New Rochelle is a Death Pit


Monday, December 22, 2008

Breaking News

She's obviously staying in the Executive; the question is, Gubenatorial Suite or no?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Will, AJ and Dustin at Dustin's country house.

Guess who is who. Winner gets two (2) free tickets to see My Morning Jacket.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Eye Massaging

me: HI MOM.
go ahead. dont be scared.
Ann: wow what is this? are we i messaging?
me: hahaha yes we are
its called "gchatting"
Ann: can we do this later? how do i restart i messaging?
me: towards the left of your screen
there should be a little list of names
and my name should be there
and when you click on it
we can chat.
Ann: ok we'll chat later bye
me: <3 u.
Ann: how did you do that with the heart?
me: you need to do
next to each other
< 3
but with no space between them
Ann: cool <3
me: impressive B-)
Ann: tell me later about how to do the happy face
me: will do.
Sent at 10:11 PM on Wednesday


Ann: ok how do I make the happy face and how come I can't make the heart on my regular emails? Call me when you can. Do not drink more than 2 alcoholic beverages at you Xmas party! And don't gossip there either! People really make fools of themselves at those ( you mother included in her youth) Jobs are too hard to come by now you can't take any chances.<3 Mom


When the moon rises,
Full and bright as the sun shines.
The children recede into arms
Of those who know.


The pale-dead light
Casks a glow of fear, hatred,
Terror. The streets grow quiet-


The beast unleashes
With clothing ripped, tattered,
blown apart. The eyes peer
Victims no more.

The rows of hair flow smooth
like silk. Butter. Grain.
Gasping their first breath of air
in what seems a decade.
Standing on end, declaring their might-

The hair.
The hair.
The hair.

It flows like rows of corn,
undulating in the wind
Bending and dipping in the light.
For these are strands that
lay uncov'rd,
gasping for the air
to deliver terror.

The thick, musky scent
o'erflows from
the base of the fur.
Houses weep,
the light dims.
The scent is ever onward.

Sweat and salt

The Beast

The Fur.

Still a long way to go for equal rights

"Shop Rite can't even make a cake for a three-year-old."

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I really don’t think we need to single out Heath Ledgr in this campaign. Everybody knows about his performace. He’s already being taken seriously. Hell, he’s the frontrunner.

If you want to put a category, how about putting “For your consideration IN ALL CATEGORIES.” TDK deserve more than a locked Supporting Actor nom and a push for a Best Picture nod. TDK deserves to be recognized for excellence in all areas. Pfister’s amazing images, including the incorporation of the IMAX technology is outstanding - above and beyond anything else produced by a camera in 2008. Bale, Eckhart, Oldman, Freeman, Roberts, etc. were all superb. Zimmer/Howard produced a subtle, yet perfect score. The art direction, costumes, make-up, etc. This movie is the reason why we have awards shows.

We got a sponsor

Jollibee bails out Woodside

More Pictures of Mberenis

I recently stumbled upon a gigantic database of Mberenis' personal pictures. He's a good looking man.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Bailout our Artists, Part Deux: Zombie Lincoln

In our second installment of this exciting deli series, we bring you the art of Frank Wu.

Ever thought about what it would look like if Abraham Lincoln was actually a zombie who lived on the moon?

This guy has.

Also, please note that the South in fact won the Civil War.

Frank Wu, artist in need of a bailout.

Great. Now how about not-shitty subway ads?

Any sane new yorker surely recognizes the absolute absurdity of the recent wave of Bank of America advertisements toting their Transit Check program. The ads promise 10 dollars back to any commuter for every 100 dollars they spend on transit. The ad, however, depicts skeptical new yorkers who suspect that these ten dollars will do little to alleviate the dozens of other horrible afflictions they carry on their backs. Just by living in New York you're subject to many hardships that most people on this planet don't have to deal with: tap-dancing neighbors, potholes, unwilling cab drivers and slow, gridlock traffic. We have got it real tough in the Big Apple.

This week, I invite you to read over some of the ads we here at the Deli have come up with ourselves. Feel free to leave your own ideas on the comment board. Don't feel constricted by our groupings! Write any type of ad you want!

-The Deli

Racist Ads

Great. So what can you do about the black problem?
Great. So what can you do about my Jewish Slumlord?
Great. So what can you do about my noisy Mexican neighbors?
Great. Now what can you do about the Koreans who can't understand the difference between a small coffee and a copy of the New York Post?
Great. So what can you do about these awful immigrants?

Segregation Ads

Great. Now what can you do about post-facto segregation?
Great. Now can you erase the hundreds of years of slavery that have instilled in me a profound and unshakable sense of White Guilt?

Great. So what can you do about the homosexual couple living in my building?

Shame Ads

Great. Now what can you do about my intense, unmovable anxiety?
Great. Now what can you do about my repressed memories of molestation?
Great. Now what can you do about my husbands alcoholism and abusive parenting?
Great. I'm illiterate.

Odysseus Ads
Great. Now what can you do about Poseidon?
Great. Now how am I supposed to get away from this interminable Cyclops?
Great. Now how can I get myself to give in to those god-damned Sirens?
Great. Now what about all those damned suitors?
Great. Now what can you do about Helios' herd?

Stand-Up Comedy Ads

Great. Now can you do something about lines at the DMV?
Great. How about the stark differences between men and women?
Great. Maybe you can bring up some dissimilarities between Los Angeles and New York.
Horse Ads

Great. Now what can you do about the horse infestation in my brownstone?

MBerenis Exposed

So who is MBerenis?

Well, for one, he's a huge fan of our work. He's posted a number of times on a lot of our articles. Here's one:

said...Grrrrrrrrrreat blog!!! ****************************** When was the last time you looked at government grants? With the bailout, there is more money than ever. Don't miss out.

He is clearly a wealthy financier looking to bailout our deli. He has literally dozens of blogs advising his readers how to get money from the government. I implore you to check his bloger profile. Upon a little further research, I discovered that he trained under the tutelage of Matthew Lesko, the question mark suit guy and author of "Free Money for Entrepreneurs." I put Lesko's picture below.

Then, digging a little deeper, I came upon some disturbing stuff. Mberenis is none other than 50 Billion dollar Ponzi Scammer Bernard "Bernie" Madoff. Here's the proof.

Born April 29, 1938 (1938-04-29) (age 70)
New York City, USA
Nationality American
Occupation Businessman
Religious beliefs Jewish

That is from Mberenis' actual wiki page. In fact, typing in Bernard Madoff will redirect you to MBerenis' page.

All of this is completely disturbing. More on this to come later this week in the 3 part series:


Sunday, December 14, 2008

Friday, December 12, 2008



Craigslist fishing volume 2: Bailout Deli gets a taste of its clientele

A Taste of Craiglist

In this installment I post a free ad or classified in the beginning of the day and I see if what I’m offering is popular or interesting to the Craigslist Community in New York, which to me is a balanced pool ripe for surveying. This way we can see what will sell at our deli and can analyze market trends.

This time I wanted to see if Philadelphia Eagles Coach Andy Reid still sold well in NY after the Giants' loss to the Eagles on Sunday. Andy Reid, despite coaching an NFC East Team that is in direct competition to our Giants, is something of a sex symbol in New York. Well, let's see if his appeal still holds up even after his team beat ours in a highly anticipated game.

Here's what I posted.

NFL: Andy Reid Wheel of Cheese (Not Edible!) (Downtown)

Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-12-10, 10:37AM EST

Hey! I have a super rare and special giveaway.

This is a wheel of cheese, swiss to be exact, that has a portrait of Philadelphia Eagles Coach Andy Reid carved into the top. It is immaculate: Shows him in his full glory, looking powerful and intimidating.

This cheese is NOT edible, but don't worry. It's sprayed with a preservative that prevents it from rotting, molding or smelling. It's preserved and lasts a lifetime!

You could give it to your kids!

It's free because I make a lot of these and would love to give one to a loving home. But clearly this is going to be a hot item. Tell me why YOU think you deserve such a fantastic ornament for YOUR holiday season.

Warm love and faith,


P.S: Merry Christmas!

And it was a hit! I got plenty of responses. Here are 5 of them.
Panoff III
to sale-952409416

show details Dec 10 (3 days ago)

I have an Eagles fan friend who has pretty much everything in the world. I would love to give this to him for Christmas. Where could I pick it up?


Gavin S
to sale-952409416
show details Dec 10 (2 days ago)

I think I deserve this cheese wheel because cheese is delicious, and I love cheese.

I like cheese,


to sale-952409416

is this still available? if so i want it!! Thanks!
My mom is a huge eagles fan and she would just die having this rare item. If this is still available, please let me know!


to sale-952409416

Just saw this very interesting husband & I are sports enthusiasts - at least he's the sports master and he got me into sports big time - baseball & football - he's the perfect husband + it'd go with our other sports memrobilia! And of course absolutely a pretty cool item to pass down to our kids when we decide to have them- I work on UWS 95 - I'm a nanny so if we are selected then I can pick up after work! Thanks

to sale-952409416

show details 2:55 PM (2 hours ago)

Is that wheel still up for grabs??? I work downtown, but I'm a HUGE Eagles fan! I'd love to have this!

So there it is! Andy Reid is still enormously popular. We will definitely include him in ALL of our products. Andy Reid Meat, Andy Reid Sweatsuits, Andy Reid Bodysuits, and Andy Reid Flavored Horse.

Thanks, Craig!

Hold Still Hold Still Hold Still

Everyone Says Please Hold On A Minute

as far as i see it

Arab or Flapper?

We'd like to take this opportunity to start a new tradition on Bailout, one that will surely stand the test of time and guide us through this economic crisis and many more crises to come. It's called Arab or Flapper? and it's relatively simple. We show you a picture of an Arab or a Flapper, and you get to guess which is which. Sounds fun enough, right? Well, without further ado:
Take a long hard gander at this person here. It could be a Flapper, but then again, is it an Arab? Do you give up? It's a....Flapper! Were you right? Flappers were young women in the 1920's who danced to jazz music and rebelled against their parents and just wanted to have fun!!

This next one will be a little easier, I promise:
Come on, this is an easy one! Now remember, it could either be an Arab, or a Flapper. Still thinking? Give up? You got this! Come on! Hang in there! No? You give up? Well my friend, it Arab! Arabs are people who speak Arabic, but not in every case, and who live in Arab countries, but not in every case. That was pretty fun right?

ps-fuck lou dobbs

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Qhirsty Qhursday

It's Thursday and it's been raining all day. Tomorrow will be Friday and we all hope it doesn't rain all day. Our commemorative Obama plates will be full of food and our telephones will be off the hook with friendly robo calls who won't be selling us anything, but just calling to chat. The landlord will stop by for a beer and sit down on the couch and say, "You guys are kinda cool after all!" The horses will be a distant memory and the light will shine from our hearts into our beds or maybe the refrigerator or maybe the basement.
remind me to do my laundry this weekend.