Darkness

Bruno's on the outside looking in

BRUNO IS BACK CHECK IT OUT:::::::
NEW YORK TIMES IS COOL AGAIN


Road trip to berlin?
discuss!

New Rochelle is a Death Pit

IM GOING BACK TO NEW YORK CITY I DO BELIEVE I'VE HAD ENOUGH

Breaking News

She's obviously staying in the Executive; the question is, Gubenatorial Suite or no?

Will, AJ and Dustin at Dustin's country house.

Guess who is who. Winner gets two (2) free tickets to see My Morning Jacket.

Eye Massaging

me: HI MOM.
go ahead. dont be scared.
Ann: wow what is this? are we i messaging?
me: hahaha yes we are
its called "gchatting"
Ann: can we do this later? how do i restart i messaging?
me: towards the left of your screen
there should be a little list of names
and my name should be there
and when you click on it
we can chat.
Ann: ok we'll chat later bye
me: <3 u.
Ann: how did you do that with the heart?
me: you need to do
<
3
next to each other
like
< 3
but with no space between them
Ann: cool <3
me: impressive B-)
Ann: tell me later about how to do the happy face
me: will do.
Sent at 10:11 PM on Wednesday

ADDENDUM:

Ann: ok how do I make the happy face and how come I can't make the heart on my regular emails? Call me when you can. Do not drink more than 2 alcoholic beverages at you Xmas party! And don't gossip there either! People really make fools of themselves at those ( you mother included in her youth) Jobs are too hard to come by now you can't take any chances.<3 Mom

Werewolf

When the moon rises,
Full and bright as the sun shines.
The children recede into arms
Of those who know.

Silent.

The pale-dead light
Casks a glow of fear, hatred,
Terror. The streets grow quiet-

Blood.

The beast unleashes
With clothing ripped, tattered,
blown apart. The eyes peer
deep
Victims no more.

The rows of hair flow smooth
like silk. Butter. Grain.
Gasping their first breath of air
in what seems a decade.
Standing on end, declaring their might-

The hair.
The hair.
The hair.

It flows like rows of corn,
undulating in the wind
Bending and dipping in the light.
For these are strands that
lay uncov'rd,
gasping for the air
to deliver terror.

The thick, musky scent
o'erflows from
the base of the fur.
Houses weep,
the light dims.
The scent is ever onward.


Sweat and salt
Matted

The Beast

The Fur.

Still a long way to go for equal rights

"Shop Rite can't even make a cake for a three-year-old."

TDK ALL THE WAY

I really don’t think we need to single out Heath Ledgr in this campaign. Everybody knows about his performace. He’s already being taken seriously. Hell, he’s the frontrunner.

If you want to put a category, how about putting “For your consideration IN ALL CATEGORIES.” TDK deserve more than a locked Supporting Actor nom and a push for a Best Picture nod. TDK deserves to be recognized for excellence in all areas. Pfister’s amazing images, including the incorporation of the IMAX technology is outstanding - above and beyond anything else produced by a camera in 2008. Bale, Eckhart, Oldman, Freeman, Roberts, etc. were all superb. Zimmer/Howard produced a subtle, yet perfect score. The art direction, costumes, make-up, etc. This movie is the reason why we have awards shows.

We got a sponsor

Jollibee bails out Woodside

More Pictures of Mberenis

I recently stumbled upon a gigantic database of Mberenis' personal pictures. He's a good looking man.

Bailout our Artists, Part Deux: Zombie Lincoln

In our second installment of this exciting deli series, we bring you the art of Frank Wu.

Ever thought about what it would look like if Abraham Lincoln was actually a zombie who lived on the moon?

This guy has.

Also, please note that the South in fact won the Civil War.

Frank Wu, artist in need of a bailout.

Great. Now how about not-shitty subway ads?

Any sane new yorker surely recognizes the absolute absurdity of the recent wave of Bank of America advertisements toting their Transit Check program. The ads promise 10 dollars back to any commuter for every 100 dollars they spend on transit. The ad, however, depicts skeptical new yorkers who suspect that these ten dollars will do little to alleviate the dozens of other horrible afflictions they carry on their backs. Just by living in New York you're subject to many hardships that most people on this planet don't have to deal with: tap-dancing neighbors, potholes, unwilling cab drivers and slow, gridlock traffic. We have got it real tough in the Big Apple.

This week, I invite you to read over some of the ads we here at the Deli have come up with ourselves. Feel free to leave your own ideas on the comment board. Don't feel constricted by our groupings! Write any type of ad you want!

-The Deli

Racist Ads

Great. So what can you do about the black problem?

Great. So what can you do about my Jewish Slumlord?

Great. So what can you do about my noisy Mexican neighbors?

Great. Now what can you do about the Koreans who can't understand the difference between a small coffee and a copy of the New York Post?

Great. So what can you do about these awful immigrants?

Segregation Ads

Great. Now what can you do about post-facto segregation?
Great. Now can you erase the hundreds of years of slavery that have instilled in me a profound and unshakable sense of White Guilt?

Great. So what can you do about the homosexual couple living in my building?

Shame Ads

Great. Now what can you do about my intense, unmovable anxiety?
Great. Now what can you do about my repressed memories of molestation?
Great. Now what can you do about my husbands alcoholism and abusive parenting?
Great. I'm illiterate.

Odysseus Ads

Great. Now what can you do about Poseidon?

Great. Now how am I supposed to get away from this interminable Cyclops?

Great. Now how can I get myself to give in to those god-damned Sirens?

Great. Now what about all those damned suitors?

Great. Now what can you do about Helios' herd?

Stand-Up Comedy Ads

Great. Now can you do something about lines at the DMV?
Great. How about the stark differences between men and women?
Great. Maybe you can bring up some dissimilarities between Los Angeles and New York.

Horse Ads

Great. Now what can you do about the horse infestation in my brownstone?

MBerenis Exposed

So who is MBerenis?

Well, for one, he's a huge fan of our work. He's posted a number of times on a lot of our articles. Here's one:


Mberenis said...Grrrrrrrrrreat blog!!! ****************************** When was the last time you looked at government grants? With the bailout, there is more money than ever. Don't miss out.

He is clearly a wealthy financier looking to bailout our deli. He has literally dozens of blogs advising his readers how to get money from the government. I implore you to check his bloger profile. Upon a little further research, I discovered that he trained under the tutelage of Matthew Lesko, the question mark suit guy and author of "Free Money for Entrepreneurs." I put Lesko's picture below.


Then, digging a little deeper, I came upon some disturbing stuff. Mberenis is none other than 50 Billion dollar Ponzi Scammer Bernard "Bernie" Madoff. Here's the proof.

MBerenis
Born	April 29, 1938 (1938-04-29) (age 70) New York City, USA
Nationality	American
Occupation	Businessman
Religious beliefs	Jewish

That is from Mberenis' actual wiki page. In fact, typing in Bernard Madoff will redirect you to MBerenis' page.

All of this is completely disturbing. More on this to come later this week in the 3 part series:

THE REAL MBERENIS

Trailer for Monday Morning

MBerenis...

It's time for the Roast.