My Local Street Cart food, Why I Fucking Hate it, and Why I Keep Going Back

A plate of chicken/lamb and rice for $5 is the default choice for any discerning luncher in New York City. It's cheap, you tend to get a lot of food, the guys usually call you "boss", saying you want white sauce AND hotsauce makes you feel powerful, eating the dish is a disgusting and wildly entertaining display of gluttony, etc etc. Halal street food makes you feel full and kingly, like a well fed king.



This is what I see in my dreams. What I see in my lap 2-3 times a week however is a careless, haphazard cock tease. The rice is bland and flavorless. I never ask for the chicken because it's all dried out and has bones and shit in it and the spices are all wrong. The lamb is slightly more tolerable so that's what I ask for, but there is somewhere around a 12.5% probability that the assholes will give me chicken anyway (I am under no impression that they do so accidentally). The hot sauce is not hot at all, in fact I think it's even watered down, the cocksuckers, and the white sauce blows too. AND WHERE'S THE FUCKING GREEN SAUCE ASSHOLE?!?!? The portions are skimpy, and the dude who serves me is grumpy and looks like an old dog with cataracts and gross ass teeth (and he does not call me boss).




Still, this food makes me feel disgusting, which I like, and also usually leads to me spending some serious afternoon time on the can, which I also like. So, you see, I've gotta go.